My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
