But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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