Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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