how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
