I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
