i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
