She's JV to your varsity
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
