In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
