the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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