:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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