Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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