So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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