Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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