Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
