Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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