Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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