He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
