wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
