dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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