How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
