My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
