I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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