Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
