pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
