We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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