Pappa wants mamma naked
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
