My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You are a genius and a whore.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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