I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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