god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
