I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
