the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
