Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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