he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
