Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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