I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
