We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize