You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
