My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
