i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think my moral compass just broke
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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