just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
