Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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