i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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