I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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