Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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