Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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