Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
