I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
