At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
