How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
