Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
