i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
