You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
