I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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