i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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