we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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