Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
