my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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