all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
