Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
