meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
