pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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