im six kinds of drunk right now
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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