The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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