no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
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