Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
