Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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