I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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