he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
